Friday, December 23, 2016

A Birth Day Post

It's weird to think that this body has been on this earth for 33 years now. In so many ways, a number seems so unrelatable. This body has known pain, illness, and suffering like some people think only much older bodies know. This body has known joy, delight, play, and awe like some people think only much younger bodies know. The kids all call me Shapeshifter because they recognize the truth- age is not solid. It is not a number. It is perhaps a marker of time, but it does not reveal much about our experience of that time. One can live a hundred years and never allow oneself to feel true joy. One can live eight years and possess the wisdom of a sage.

Today I reflect on what I have discovered in this life, which I am more grateful for in this moment than I have ever been. I am more myself than ever before, and less concerned with being any other way than how I am. I like to call this, the "not giving a fuck". But it's not heartless. It's not giving a fuck with compassion. Because it's rooted in space. It's rooted in wanting to wake up myself and everyone else. If I stop manipulating my own existence to try to please others or meet arbitrary expectations, then maybe others will notice and they'll stop too. It comes from deep care.

I truly feel that I am on this earth to be of benefit to others, especially to children and families. My heart is ablaze with this passion and this calling, and I have dedicated my life to create spaces for families and children to relax and be themselves, and touch in with their inherent wisdom and brilliance. This brings me no end of delight. I truly am deeply and unfathomably fortunate.

This year, things feel more aligned. I feel still and whole and like I have taken my seat in life. I have relaxed with myself. I have space in my mind and heart. I have a strong community. I have a deep and incredibly nourishing spiritual practice. I am so so so loved, and I feel that. And I love so so so so much, and I feel that too.

Having been born is awe-inspiring. To be me is incredible and ever changing, never permanent. I am so grateful for another year. If I live another, may it be to benefit you all, to bring love and wisdom and light to this world, and to help all beings know their inherent goodness.

Thank you all for all the ways you love, support, and nourish me. I love you deeply.

I leave you with this poem which I came across quite by accident this morning, but which rings so true for me:

Christmas at Midlife
by Mary Anne Perrone
I am no longer waiting for a special occasion; I burn the best candles on ordinary days.
I am no longer waiting for the house to be clean; I fill it with people who understand that even dust is Sacred.
I am no longer waiting for everyone to understand me; It’s just not their task
I am no longer waiting for the perfect children; my children have their own names that burn as brightly as any star.
I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop; It already did, and I survived.
I am no longer waiting for the time to be right; the time is always now.
I am no longer waiting for the mate who will complete me; I am grateful to be so warmly, tenderly held.
I am no longer waiting for a quiet moment; my heart can be stilled whenever it is called.
I am no longer waiting for the world to be at peace; I unclench my grasp and breathe peace in and out.
I am no longer waiting to do something great; being awake to carry my grain of sand is enough.
I am no longer waiting to be recognized; I know that I dance in a holy circle.
I am no longer waiting for Forgiveness. I believe, I Believe.